I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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