Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
