he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
