Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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