watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
