We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
