if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
