There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
