I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
