I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Randomize
