I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
