Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
