my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
