Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
