the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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