Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize