No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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