at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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