I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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