You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
