Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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