bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
