i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
