we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
