i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
