My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
