remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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