dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
