I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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