Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
