I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
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