You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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