its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
