May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
