tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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