he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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