My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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