and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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