Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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