K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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