My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
