Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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