I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
