I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
