I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
