I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
