and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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