my mouth tastes like poor choices
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
