This is not my ceiling
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
