I hate all girls vehemently.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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