Screwed.edu
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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