You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
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Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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