I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
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You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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