He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
