My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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