My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize