You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
