Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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