If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
last night I used snow as a chaser
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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