You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I smell like Dick and happiness
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
