C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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