you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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