hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
