Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
