I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
