I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
