Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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