I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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