i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize