the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
