So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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