I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
