I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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