she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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