you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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