you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
