im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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