worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
